The Ugly Truth


(NOTE: All of the NY pics posted in the blog are from our trip in 2016)

November 26, 2017

Good evening everyone! I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday and/or time off from work. Daniel and I were excited to spend the day with both of our families, relishing in some “final holiday” time with everyone.

(Nothing is final; our move to NY does not mean we are leaving the planet.)

I thought I would spend the four-day weekend being productive, but instead I over-indulged and took advantage of some much needed personal care time. (And X-Mas shopping.)

I have been looking back at my blog posts and realize that my story-telling and planning of our move to New York is a bit more “bubbly” than I had planned. Yes, my goal is to be uplifting and encourage anyone with a goal to take considerable leaps of faith. In reality, there have been our ups-and-downs, sometimes with the downs putting more weight on my shoulders than I care to admit.

Before I move on, please note that I am in a good mood this evening. I am happy and not annoyed. If anything in this post sounds like a rant, I apologize, that is not my intention. I just want to share the ugly truths of our journey. Speed bumps are bound to happen.

(And it’s not just about what other people are saying…)

The Ugly Truth #1: We would prefer some different responses to our moving to NY…

“New York is expensive!”

“Life in New York is hard.”

“Did you know New York is expensive? I have friends that live there. They say it’s so expensive!”


My husband, Daniel, and I are still receiving what some people offer as helpful warnings. We tend to respond sarcastically, “Oh, really? We had no idea!” Sometimes people sense the sarcasm, but most of the time, unfortunately, we realize that people do not catch the sarcasm and feel they have accomplished some self-serving goal.

I know people care for us. I know people are worried for us. Rightfully so. But if your first reaction is to incredulously accuse us of not doing the proper research or think we are making a soundless decision, I think we have every right to fight back with sarcasm. Or silence.

New York is expensive: We know. We’ve been there. We have an uncle that lives there. I know people who live in the city. I’m constantly going through apartment sites and I even follow NY brokers on Instagram, so I see the costs of rent. We know the cost of living is higher in NY. I currently work in property management. For example, property managers in NY make 3x (or more) than what I am making now. We have been researching the salaries of specific positions we are interested in for NY jobs.

We are doing the research. Thus, that is why our goal has been to eliminate all debt before we leave. We are saving money. Living with Uncle Peter in Katonah is going to help make our transition more comfortable than if we were just going to NY and look for jobs/apartment blindly.

Life in NY is hard: How? I always ask, “How?” to this skeptical response. I read blogs of single people who took the plunge to move to NY without jobs or an apartment. These brave individuals couch-surfed or had previously saved enough money to live out of hotels and such while searching for a job. The “advantage” I have is that I have a partner in all of this.

The people in these blogs had to work extremely hard to make life work in a new city. Some had at least two jobs to ensure they could pay their rent. Others spent months in the city before deciding to move back home, but later returning when the circumstances were more appropriate. And there were those that accomplished their goals within a couple of months in the city.

Is life easy here? What does easy mean? We have a house and we pay the mortgage. Having a house also means having many more bills to pay and having to do our own yard work and maintenance. Yes, our bills are being paid. Is that a luxury? I do not consider our lives easy. We are content. We were fortunate enough to go to Orlando for Universal Studios in November 2016 and this year back in April. That, in a way, means we have an easy life that we could afford trips like that. We are not rich. We rarely do personal shopping for ourselves, unless an additional bonus works in our favor.

But what is easy? 

Is easy being able to afford vacation? Is easy having the bills being paid on time? How is this not a possibility in NY?

Is your life easy? Are you saying there is nothing in your life that could be better? If life is easy, does that mean you have nothing to ever worry or stress about?

There are aspects of our lives that are certainly not easy. I cannot share more until we have left for NY.

…I have friends that live there. They say it’s so expensive!: Are they living in a box? Are they too poor to afford a roof over their heads or food? Are all 8+ million people in New York City unhappy and struggling? Why don’t your friends move to Georgia?

We visited London, Paris, and Rome in November 2015. This was the best trip of our lives. We witnessed briefly how London is considered an expensive city for living.

We met a large group of people from California when some friends were getting married last year. They told us how expensive living in CA is and shared their bewilderment on how much houses cost in GA.

Oddly enough, the people we met in London or those from CA are not planning moves to GA any time soon.

If you love living in GA, that is wonderful! How nice to be comfortable and pleased to say that you are never moving away.

But we are moving away. We are planning and researching and wracking our brains on how to keep our move from blowing up in our faces.

Imagine you’re excited to share the news that you or your partner is having a baby…

“Oh really? Babies are so expensive!”

“Why? You have to take care of a human being for the rest of your life.”

“I hope you’re ready. Being a parent is hard.”

Are those initial responses appropriate? I think we need to give more credit to adults who make life decisions that, inexplicably, only affect the adults involved. 

The ugly truth in all of this is that it is slightly heart-breaking when someone’s negativity overshadows our excitement about this journey. If someone can’t be excited for us or refuses to offer any encouragement, that normally gets added to my mental list of “Reasons why I am happy to leave GA.”

The Ugly Truth #2: Daniel, my wonderful husband, my partner in this crazy journey, my favorite travel buddy, the Robin to my Batman (HAHA)… has been driving me crazy...

My husband is AMAZING. I love him with all of my heart.

But you, Readers, are about to be my listening (reading) ear…

Daniel has been supportive and uplifting with everything in relation to our move to NY.

However, there are tasks he could be handling better…

Daniel recently revealed that a dream job of his is to be a voice actor. He is indeed a character and when he told me about voice acting, I agreed that this would be the perfect career for him. I was ecstatic that he shared this new dream with me! It makes our move to NY even more exciting!

Driving me crazy #1: I was not the first person he shared this dream with. We are moving to NY so I can chase a dream of being a writer, why would he not share this with me first? His wife? Daniel has never been a big “sharer” or in touch with his emotions. This is still a hurdle we try to get through together, to better our communication.

Driving me crazy #2: Daniel has spent more time researching voice acting than job searches for when we get to NY.

I get it. He wants to learn the craft and figure out a way into this world. But he and I know that he won’t be able to jump into voice acting as soon as we are in NY. Voice acting will first be a hobby before he can make it into a career. Like my plan to be a writer one day, I need to work in the television industry first.

I have talked with people who work for HBO. I have a great contact who is graciously going to refer me for HBO jobs. I know that I cannot jump into a writer role. It takes times. But the goal, first and foremost, is to find jobs that we can making a career from.

I am incredibly lucky to have a friend that wrote the most beautiful, tear-jerking letter about me to her contact in HBO (who is now my contact). I made it that having a job at HBO would be my mission.

I asked Daniel, “What jobs are you going to apply for in NY?” We were in the car, on Black Friday, when Daniel told me about steps that would be required to prep him for his newly-revealed ambition.

Daniel said, “I don’t know.”

[Cue the mushroom cloud that explodes in my mind.]

There was no way to mask my annoyance. Daniel’s favorite phrase with any imminent or active argument is “I don’t know.” I was flabbergasted that he was putting more research into voice acting, when the objective to making life work in NY is to find a way to make money.

We both want careers. We both want to work for companies that we can learn from and grow within.

I ranted to Daniel regarding my displeasure. When we were in therapy, our therapist told us that we would need to spend our weekends – at least one day – researching jobs and companies. We did this together, once.

My anxiety has skyrocketed since this conversation. I want to be understanding; we had a great four-day holiday weekend together. We relaxed, had fun, and took a small break from our to-do lists. But I desperately want Daniel to have a little success with his job research prior to our house going on the market.

He promised me he would put more effort into the job search. That is all I can ask for at this time. I hope he puts more effort in job searches than voice acting.

The ugly truth? I have this fantastic husband who is willing to go the distance with me, but I am afraid that the “all talk and no play” attitude could interfere poorly with our move to NY.

Last one – The Ugly Truth #3: I am fearful and worried that our move to NY will not lead to our dream jobs…

Daniel discovered that most voice actors work out of Los Angeles. I learned from my HBO contact that most of HBO’s production also works out of California.

I jokingly asked Daniel once if we should derail our NY plans and move to CA. But then my anxiety reminded me how often people said CA is incredibly more expensive than NY. And we have no contacts in CA. We have no one to live with temporarily while we search for jobs/apartment.

NY is still the plan. 

All I can hope for is that NY, if it’s not the home of our dream jobs, that it will at least be a baby step in that direction.

I have this fantasy that we will live in NY for a couple of years before being able to transfer to CA. This all sounds too crazy to expect. But with my anxious mind, I am constantly creating varying scenarios.

There is hope.

There will always be negativity. There will always be backlash. There will be someone out there telling you the scary truth you don’t need to be reminded of.

But I have hope.

I found that writing out my ugly truths is somewhat therapeutic. What mainly helps me regarding these ugly truths?

  • My amazing husband
  • The support of friends and family (not every single person, but enough)
  • The question of, “Why not?”

My husband and I will never communicate perfectly. The reason I am so in love with Daniel is that we chose to struggle together. To fight. To argue. We want to do all of that together. We can better our communication. We will always put in the effort. No relationship is perfect. But I believe, with all my heart, that the relationship with my husband is better than any fantasized relationship. 

Not everyone in our lives is excited for our move to NY. That’s okay. I am extremely grateful for the group of people who have been supportive, encouraging, and loving.

I love asking, “Why not?” when we receive doubtful responses about New York. I have not heard a compelling argument other than, “But all of your friends and family are here.” That is the toughest part in all of this. But our life choices cannot be centered around others. It’s our time, it’s our lives. 

Don’t let someone else tell you how to live your life! Take a big step. Take a tiny step. Live happily with the choices you made. Be miserable. Be content. If someone’s concerned about you and they’re willing to share, hear them out, it’s fair. But don’t let life be molded based on the opinions of others.

This is one of my favorite quotes by Woody Allen from the film Annie Hall:

“…how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly.”

Life may royally suck in NY. I can’t wait to find out.

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